Game Face Time

So many, SO MANY emotions flooded me today. With this being our 4th deployment, I think I have started to really get the hang of letting go and saying hello again. Unfortunately with that comes the ability to just turn off emotions. I realized today when talking with my soon to be deployed sailor, that this is all so surreal to me. I mean, we were within hours of saying goodbye and we were talking about life like it was going to continue and this huge void wasn't going to happen.

We went yesterday to drop him off only to find out that he had a 24hr delay and would be coming home for another day. Of course it was so wonderful to have him home for a bit longer, but it is really bittersweet. Our lives have been put on hold for the past 4 weeks, trying to eat up every moment, thinking..."this will be the last time in a long time that (fill in the blank)". Yesterday was the day that "life" was going to start again. I know this may sound horrible to some of you, but this is the military life for most.

So today, we sat in the USO waiting for the appropriate time to leave him at the airport. Here the boys are having a ball in the playroom with all the new toys and I am holding my husbands strong hands holding back the tears. I knew if I let them flow now, that they wouldn't stop. The boys so innocent, really had no idea what was going on. Logan, 3.5 yrs old understands what "trips" are and that Daddy was going to be gone, but he doesn't understand how long 6 months is. Austin, little guy, obviously had no clue, but I know he will miss his Daddy. We let them play for about an hour, got some lunch in, and decided it wouldn't be a good idea to stay another 3 hours, drag it out, and miss crucial nap time. There it was, the time to say goodbye.

I let Mike change Austin's diaper one last time (haha:-)) and of course the tears started. He walked us to the car and his face sweat with tears, kissed his little guy, got an open mouth kiss back, and buckled him in. He then swept Logan up in his big arms, hugged him close, said a few whispers in his ear, got kisses and let him get in the car. Next was my turn...sigh. Prayers said, kisses given, hugs tightened and tears swept away. I love you my man...come home to me.

Now I had to drive away...so awful. Of course as I am driving away all these thoughts flood my heart of "did I love him enough? have I cherished all the things he has done for me? do I remember all the things he says about life? was I a good wife..." Oh LORD! I just wanted to redo the past 10 months of this homeport. I wanted to remember all the smells, sights, and sounds of every wonderful moment with my husband. See...this is what happens when I hold all my emotions inside! They all come out on a blog! HA!

It is game face time now. It doesn't mean I won't cry or have an aching heart, it just means that I push through it for my sailor across the world and for the boys in my home. Now starts the countdown! Now "life" starts again. Routines begin, cleaning started, and new memories made. I apologize to those who haven't heard from me recently, who haven't gotten that phone call back or friendly visit. Between morning (all day) sickness and spending this time at home, I have neglected those around me. This is our life and I shouldn't change who we are because of it. Please hold me accountable in being a friend, walking with the Lord, being a loving and firm mother. My hubby may be somewhere else, but I know I am not alone. Thank you friends who are SO there for me...I truly couldn't be a military wife if it weren't for God and my support (YOU!).

The airplane to take him away

Playing with his boys one more time.
Always getting love from Logan:-)
Last family photo...hopefully our next one will be in the same airport 6 months from now!