Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Afraid to Pray...

This is very hard for me to admit, but yes, I have been afraid to pray lately. I know God's strength is mighty, His will is overpowering, yet his hands so loving, never going to forsake me. Still, I am nervous to pray...




You see, Mike and I have some MAJOR major decisions to be made in the next several months. Mostly about his military career, moving, working, etc. I am going to be very vague about the details of our lives because one: I need to bring it to God and not only seek advice from those around me, and two: it is SUCH a long story with so many possible endings. I am a very practical girl who is forced to live a flexible and constantly changing life. I like to have some control just to be able to at least feel the ground beneath my feet, but lately these days, God is carrying me. I am, and I HAVE to give it all to the Lord because Mike and my desire is to live a life for His glory only. Therefore, I can't have any control over this!




Kinda makes me think about this little one inside me...I hope and dream of what a family with 3 boys would be like, and I hope and dream of what a family with a little princess would be like...however I do not have control over it! I never did! And if we found out at 20 wks compared to waiting till the baby is born what the gender was...it still wouldn't change. God has things planned way in advance. Sure some of you would say...but then you could plan and prepare...just as I would say to Mike about our future decisions. But wouldn't that be trying to have control? Wouldn't that be making and preparing my own plans, rather than relying on the Lord for my next step? I pray that I am not overlooking our responsibilities as parents and adults by not preparing to a "T", but that God will see us trusting in Him to plan our course...

...guess I should get praying huh?






In other news: we now own some very cool bunkbeds! Yes, it has taken the 2.5 weeks of having them for me to get used the idea of little Austin climbing the ladder and the awful thoughts that weigh down my mind of "what ifs". Actually I am still NOT used to that idea...but the boys have been respecting the furniture very well and we have had very little injury.

This is also Austin's first big boy bed. Went straight from a crib to the bottom bunk and after a few...actually a week or more of rough nights of him getting out of bed, he now understands what to do! Such a difference from Logan. When Logan went into a toddler bed, he NEVER got out of bed unless we went in there to get him out...in the mornings he would still yell for us from his bed until we went and got him! HA!

It is fun I tell ya, to have boys. To see their imaginations and hear these two little guys become best friends.
Photobucket

7 comments:

BFM said...

Max Lucado said something along the lines of Satan is most nervous when we pray. When we pray we are in an intimate time with God that Satan can't get through.

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.
Luke 18:1

pray without ceasing.
1 Thessalonians 5:17

Jhen.Stark said...

Oh Beautiful Friend!

What an honest post! And I know your heart knows as it hears the Holy Spirit, but we come up along side you to Pray as well for whatever it is!

Ditto BFM- "Pray without ceasing."

Ashley Sisk said...

I really love this post because of your honesty. I found myself so many times praying for that which I could not change. I now pray for his will to be done and trust that he'll take care of it. Love love love the first few shots.

Emily said...

Oh I am so feeling this post. I am terrified to bring my big things to him sometimes...maybe I won't like what the answer will be, maybe I'm just afraid of giving him the control. Thank you for putting this in words.

And loving the bunk beds!! We are just about to move Emerson to a big boy bed and I'm soo nervous!

Casey Martinez said...

good for you for being real and transparent Elissa. That makes this post very special and beautiful. You do have SOO much going on right now and it is natural that you would be feeling a lot of emotion and unrest. One day at a time my friend. I too will stand in the gap and will pray about your future! Much love along the way!

The Stachurskis said...

Praise God to giving it/life up to Him. You are an amazing servant. I completely empathize with you on wanting to prepare and what not. I realized that no matter what the outcome is we are always going to be prepared because God gives us what we need in all circumstances. Keep looking up my good friend, He has the best answers we could ever hope for.

So exciting about the bunk beds! Once we are in a home I can't wait to see what Hunter does in his big boy bed! EEeeek! Oh and is that a pillow of Mike on the bed? If so I love it! Where on earth can I get one of Zach!?!?!

Sarah Halstead said...

How fun! I can't wait to get the boys bunk beds. Hoping no injuries happen.