For those of you who know me well, I really don't care for cloudy days. There is just something about the sunshine that awakens my soul. I love having the curtains open and the natural light fill my house. This is very much a metaphor too. These past several weeks and really the past 7 months, life has been cloudy with the sun/Son pouring over my soul. I layed awake last night thinking about what is going to happen in just little over 2 weeks. I realized that the time before deployement starts and the time before it ends is quite the same. You don't want to do much, just leave it till later, you feel like life is on hold and are just waiting to adjust all over again. This deployment has been busy with visitors from all over the country and being with my boys as they grew up. But most of all the Lord has been a constant presence and has taught me more in these 7 months than I would have learned if Mike would have been home. Funny how that happens huh? Some of the verses that have spoke to me during these months have been "Be still, and know that I am God." I have found so much peace and rest in that verse. I did a military spouse bible study by myself and we picked apart that verse. And it grew me in just the right way at just the right time. I had to write my own Amplified version of Psalm 46:10 and this is what I wrote "Be quiet, stop worrying, stop thinking and remember that God is God, who can do all things for us."
Another verse that became my now motto in parenting is Galatians 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." As Logan has gotten older he has needed more guidance and I have had to learn what to do on my own (now Mike's support has been there 110%). To be honest I have no idea what I am doing as a parent...but I have learned many ways to guide and teach my sons in love and discipline. It is hard to be consistent when I am the only one saying no and I just want to sit still for 2 minutes instead of teaching a lesson. When I just want to let this one sin slip by so I don't have to deal with a battle. I have seen the benefits however and am so pleased with how Godly my little man is already becoming!
More recently the Proverb 16:9 "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." This is an awesome Proverb because it is saying that we just plan, think of, create our idea of what we should do, but the Lord has the final decision, and plants our every move...and all for His Glory, only to benefit and love us. These past several weeks could have gone differently, but I have had to pray more and rely more on others than I thought I would have 4 weeks till Mike coming home. From my stomach virus, then Logan's, then Austin's broken leg, to Logan getting viral croup and now just praying that Austin's fever is just teething, I have had to ask for more help from wonderful friends and pray more than I have probably this whole deployment. I tell ya, there is nothing that tears up your heart more than hearing your little boy lay next to you wheezing in and out, and feeling his hot feverish body through your clothes. That was a miraculous night though. I saw prayer answered quickly, thank you Jesus.
This is becoming a longer post than I was expecting, but I do have a conclusion. I have had great compliments from you all about how I am supermom, brave, "can do it all", and crazy. I appreciate all those sayings, but I can't take any responsibility for them. The Lord holds me up every day, He brings me joy through His Word, peace, seeing my boys smile and laugh, and watching my marriage become stronger and falling more in love with my husband. I also have amazing friends and family that have visited me (through airports while losing luggage, through car drives and skype!) and have let me call them daily just to gain encouragement through all the struggles and also listen to all the great and amazing things that have happened! Just to let you all know, this deployment hasn't been all frowns in any way. There have been more happy phone calls to mike than sad, more laughs and wrestling with the boys, more funny and crazy phone calls and visits with friends than anything else. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, from the bottom of my toes, THANK YOU to all who have prayed and supported us. I love you~