I figured out a good way to put my feelings tonight. I feel like my life is a bad diet. HA...sounds awful right? Well, there are always things I want to start...tomorrow, or on Monday. So it inevitably, it gets put on hold. Then I try a new schedule, routine, choosing to be joyful no matter what mood and it only lasts two and half days. Or, it literally is about food. I try and eat healthy...don't buy snacks and stick to the non-processed foods. Then I buy a three musketeer bar and eat only a bite because I feel guilty. Leave it in the car cuz I don't want Mike to see it, and then find a chocolate mess all over Austin because HE DID find it and he doesn't have to worry about calories. I have a love-hate relationship with new routines...I know they are good for me, and probably would make my life easier...so I set up a great new routine. Takes about 2 hours to get it all written out and less than 3 days to realize I can't commit. Or I can commit, but the rest of life takes over.
I guess I have to realize that there are many things that I want to get done right now, but just can't. I can't have a clean floor for 5 minutes because I have a kid who crushes up goldfish crackers and spits them through a straw on the floor, and 2 dogs who are loosing their hair. I can't eat a hot meal because I have to get milk for Logan and as soon as I sit down I have to get water for Austin...oh...then Everett wants to eat. I won't get a shower every day because I would rather TRY and cook that home-made bread that never turns out, or edit those 10 pictures. I won't get to finish that craft or do the laundry at night because I would rather watch a Numbers with the Husband and cuddle some before bed. So many boxes that I want to fill: decorated and matching house, fit body, disciplined children, happy hubby, FILLED SPIRIT, working budget, etc...HOWEVER: not all have to be filled at this point in life. My bad diet will just stay bad, and I will have to learn to live life every day. Take the next step and make the best and right choice.
Guess my next best and right choice would be to go and apologize to the hubs for being crabby tonight. Thanks for letting me vent blogworld.
3 comments:
Elissa, I can totally relate to this. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and your heart. I've been struggling with finding joy in the little things and in trying to keep up with everything around the house (and I know it'll only get more and more challenging if/when more babies come and they get older and more mobile!) - I feel like I can never get ahead! Not to mention, do any of the fun crafty ideas I have in my head, ha ha! But I know, somewhere in the recesses of my brain, that this season will pass (and go by so quickly) and I am trying to choose joy and be thankful for where I am and for what God is trying to teach me through it. I'll be praying for you :)
Oh Elissa. I can relate to this sooo much. Thanks for being real and sharing with us.
Hey, I have to say that I think this is one of the most powerful posts I've read in a while. Really I think every single mom can relate to this whole heartedly. Perhaps the bad diet isn't bad then? Perhaps we only think it's bad but, really as you are saying we have to learn to accept that the bad diet is just life as we know it right now. I say go for it, eat the 3 musketeers bar if you want it one day and then take a couple days to eat well to make up for it. All in moderation as they say. We are definitely in a season of putting ourselves and our needs last and it is so exhausting at times but, I suppose before we know it the kids will be grown and gone and we will ache to have these days back. I really really loved how you expressed your heart. This was so PERFECTLY written!
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