Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Whats been on my mind...

Hey ya'll...I feel the need to apologize to my family a friends on this blogworld. I haven't been keeping up photos, stories, etc AND I haven't been keep up with my friends over the internet! I feel so out of the loop, yet I feel so busy....what do I do every day? I shouldn't be sitting down to writing this right now, I should probably be wiping a table, reading the Bible, or sitting with my kids...but I need some grown up time (and a time to vent in tangents).
I am dying for the day in the next year where we actually have a plan as to where we will be in the future. There is so much uncertainty and anxiousness over it all. I just want my hubby to happy and have a small amount of job satisfaction! I can't even begin to tell you how much of a difference that makes for my joy and happiness. We have plans for the house and for where Logan will go to school. We have friends that we have been very blessed with here, and there comes a point where I don't let myself get any closer with them because I know our lives will probably have us move again soon. Oh just for something to be consistent!

My days don't consist of much...basically washing the same dishes, wiping the same bums, kissing the same faces, and trying to do something extra like clean a toilet. I never thought in a million years that my house would look the way it does, or that I literally wouldn't have time for things that took 5 minutes before. I know this is a season in my life and I need to not worry about the house, the extra projects, and much more...and I feel that I am doing a fairly good job at letting it go. To be honest from the bottom of my heart though, I feel that I am lacking joy in all of it. I get frustrated with the kind of mom that I am and more so the kind of mom that I am not. I feel like another white shell on the beach...not unique with no purpose. Going back to work wouldn't fulfill me because then my heart would be devastated with leaving my three boys. I can't neglect my house any more than I do, and my dear husband has stepped up times 100 in helping out-so I can't ask any more from him! I know that this joy and this passion for being a mom, wife, friend comes from the Lord...but that is another side that I am trying reconnect and draw near to right now.

I think I have to admit that I am a bit frustrated with what God is doing with our lives right now. I don't understand it all...I don't understand the job situation, my lack of patience (yes that is my choice and not His doing), why we have three boys-so incredibly grateful for each of my sweet men, why we have our money issues, and why I just can't seem to feel on top again. Sorry for the downer post, I am not feeling sorry for myself because I know how incredibly blessed we are and how much more we have than most people in the world. I just needed to vent and to write out feelings. I think of posts to write about often, but then I forget or I realize that no one wants to know about that.
Anyways, on a lighter note, we had an icredible 4 day weekend, lots of family time spent together which was so nice. I get to go to MN this weekend just me and Everett for my sisters baby shower and a girlfriends wedding (so awesome!). I hope that all you had a great weekend and are ready for summer...its coming quickly!!



Casey Martinez said...

I love when you share your heart and let out what is inside. It is healing for you and allows us to come alongside you and encourage you and love on you because after all you are an amazing friend, mother and wife and I love you! I wanted to tell you that the picture you posted on Facebook reminds me of serenity. Calm. Peace. And then when I saw that you used this verse for another shot it couldn't be more perfect. I think God has used that verse often in my life..it sits on my shelf in the dining room too. A great reminder. I know how hard this season is. I know how hard waiting is, uncertainty, stress...yuck to it all. I know God has great things in store for you guys. I know He will see you through. In the meantime I will be praying for the Lord's hand to hold you all steady, strengthen you and comfort you when it all feels like too much. Beautiful picture friend!

The Kincaid Family said...

I echo Casey's comment and am so glad you shared your heart with us so we can be lifting you up! You have reached out and encouraged me through so many of my rough times Elissa and your friendship is beyond priceless to me! I hope I can bless you the same way during this time in your life! I pray this next weekend is so refreshing for you and that you get much needed family, friend, and adult time!! Love you dear Elissa!!

Geek Squad said...

I have a lovely joy giving gift for you. :) It's been a great source for me. I'll share it with you if we can cross paths while you're here. Just for a second so I can throw it at you. ;)

Anonymous said...

Awwww. Thanks for sharing your heart. I am going through some of the same things. It is so hard. Praying for you Elissa.