So proud...

(could this be?!?!?! 2 posts in one day!?!?!) yup...i am so proud...so so proud of my big man Logan. It has been fun to see what he has learned in pre-school and how much things have "clicked" for him. He is trying to sound out words and is getting Austin involved. He loves to write his letters over and over again, while getting so much praise:-)

It is fun to see him come home with his papers and see his name written on his work. I can imagine how diligently he worked on writing his name and how proud he must be every time he does it. I know I am:-)

Motherhood Conviction

The other day I woke up quite crabby. I had a sour look on my face, and mean touch. My patience was long gone and I just wanted to sit until I felt better. Pretty selfish huh? I love my Pandora radio that we play on our PS3...I knew that listening to some music praising the Lord would probably help get me out of this funk. So as the morning was going on, a much over played song came on...BUT it was exactly what I needed to hear and boy did it stab me deep!

(chorus)

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

Ouch right? Not sure if you do this, but I often think about how my kids will remember their childhood. Will they remember the slow and easy mornings, the family dinners, the clean bedroom (or messy these days), the van rides, bath nights, etc. What will they remember about all this? I think as a woman I really associate moods with memories...so for me when I remember my childhood I have a lot of peace and contented memories. The family dinner memories are full of family time, love and routine. Playing outside are feelings of being carefree and trusted.

When I was convicted yesterday morning, I thought to myself...are my boys remembering a mom who loves and shows grace? Or a mom who stays mad and yells? The song and my conviction are not a selfish conviction...I am not trying to be remembered for my sake, but for the Lords sake. The kind of legacy that Jesus left is the kind of legacy that I want to leave (hence the name of the blog:-) Our intern pastor said something quite emotional and profound this past Sunday. Now...it won't really be like this and we won't be thinking about this when we get to Heaven, but this is a good earthly way to think of life now with the eternal perspective.

~When my boys (yes all 4) stand before God, will they be better off because of me? Will they have made better choices in life because of what I taught them and how I loved them?~

Anyways...lots of heaviness, but I am very thankful for that conviction because I needed it yesterday and all the days I have the moments that I just want to scream, but really I need to love more. Oofta...mothering is hard but soooo worth it.

Here is the video of the song if you are interested. Like I said it is a well known song so maybe just listen for some "conviction or motivation!"

Everett...oh Everett...

Wow...did we kick ourselves in the butt!! We boasted about our two older boys being great sleepers at night and now...we have the worst. Well, I know there are a lot of terrible sleepers out there, so he is one of the worst. For the first few months I chalked it up to on demand nursing and him not having a schedule because of our busy lives. Then I hoped once he started eating he would sleep longer...nope. I also hoped that he would get on some kind of routine at night...like getting up at certain hours and eating, then going back to bed easily...nope. NEVER has the same night twice. And I am not talking about one night sleeping for 4 hours and then the next night up every 2...I am talking about just plain inconsistency!

For the past 4 weeks he has been the worst. First he was sick...ok kid, you get extra attention at night for being sick. Don't like seeing and hearing my baby have croup. Then once that was over he started teething...two teeth later he gets sick again. I just couldn't believe it! I thought breastfed babies weren't supposed to get sick so much! So I took him into the doc yesterday and she said he has "baby asthma"...WHAT?!?! So here goes trying to figure out if it is asthma or not. She gave us an inhaler and singulair to give him daily. I feel so bad giving him the inhaler because it amps him up so much. He looks like he was given a cup of sugar! I just wish we could figure out what really is wrong and get him to sleep.

Last night he was up till 1230am...a first for him and a first for our marriage. Let's just say the strain of no sleep and conflicting ideas on how to deal with this isn't easy for us. I have ordered the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child because I have heard rave reviews about it and am waiting now over a week for it (come one person, don't you know I need to sleep!?!).

Anyways...I really shouldn't complain because I know some people have it worse. And I am so grateful for my little Everett. Even though he is sleeping horribly right now, he is still an easy baby. He plays a ton by himself and the other boys. Is sitting up totally on his own now, just waiting for him to figure out crawling. He is going through a screaming phase...and yes I mean high pitch shrieks. If any one has been on the phone with me while he does it, you know know what I mean. I count every day a blessing that he continues to nurse because this was about the time when Austin stopped. He loves to nurse and we are pretty good at it still:-) He is so chunky and may be the biggest of the boys. Over 18 lbs and over 27 inches long. Well into 12 month clothing! He may be a ninja for Halloween...if I can find the costume. That means that all three boys were this ninja for their first Halloween. Hand-me-downs are starting to be sentimental! Well, if you have any tips please let me know. We are going to start the cry it out method soon and try and wean him down to 1 feeding a night. Pray for our patience with our little guy!!

Three sweet monsters

Went to the park, took some pics, loved them:-)

This one makes me laugh

This one makes me happy

This one melts my heart:-)

Moving Forward

Well, he did it! My hubby passed this PT test that he has been trying to pass for months. I know that may sound bad to him, but he has worked harder for this than I have seen him do for other things. We have prayed harder over this and had some tough lessons learned. And today he did it! Not to brag...but I am gonna...:-) This is a HARD test! 15 pull-ups, 90 situps/3min, 80 push ups/3min, 3 mile run in 22:30 (that is a 7:30 mile) and a half mile swim in 14 min. Just to try and give a little example of how hard it is, I was at the gym the other night and I thought to myself...why don't I try and run a mile in ...lets say...8 min? So I started off feeling pretty good and then it started to wear on me...and I had only been going 2 min!! HA! Also, after having 3 kids the whole "peeing when you cough" thing came true and it wouldn't have been safe for me to continue running that fast. Sorry if TMI.

AAAHHHH....what a relief! I think this was so important for him to just pass it to say to HIMSELF that he passed it! Now we can move forward...he still needs to train and get ready for a possible new job. Still all in God's hands and that is one lesson we have learned and have had stamped into our minds and hearts lately.

Also...one thing out of this is teaching his boys to not give up. Despite the times he failed, he did it again and again, worked harder and kept focused. I am just beaming right now I am so proud of him!! Anyways, just had to share that...thanks for letting me air out my excitement!

I title this photo: "He has the whole world in his hands:-)"

Momma In Focus Friday!

My girlfriend Casey does this on her blog and I haven't done it in forever! Now, it can be hard to get ALL of my boys together for photo, so here is my littlest one and me. It was a beautiful night and the other boys were all sweaty and playing hard on the playground while I just sat and starred at this beautiful creation.

I am starting to think that God knew what he was doing giving me all boys:-) There is something so special about them, so tender, yet rough. When they tell me, a momma, they love me I know it is meant with all their hearts. With boys you have to let go a little more and sooner so they can become a boy/young man/man of God, so this time as little ones I am cherishing more and more. Don't get me wrong, they aren't easy all the time! They fight and punch each other, climb furniture and flip each other over while laughing, and they think dirt is the new clean. Anyways, I am just so happy with my three men that I get to see grow up:-)

Life as a Diet

I figured out a good way to put my feelings tonight. I feel like my life is a bad diet. HA...sounds awful right? Well, there are always things I want to start...tomorrow, or on Monday. So it inevitably, it gets put on hold. Then I try a new schedule, routine, choosing to be joyful no matter what mood and it only lasts two and half days. Or, it literally is about food. I try and eat healthy...don't buy snacks and stick to the non-processed foods. Then I buy a three musketeer bar and eat only a bite because I feel guilty. Leave it in the car cuz I don't want Mike to see it, and then find a chocolate mess all over Austin because HE DID find it and he doesn't have to worry about calories. I have a love-hate relationship with new routines...I know they are good for me, and probably would make my life easier...so I set up a great new routine. Takes about 2 hours to get it all written out and less than 3 days to realize I can't commit. Or I can commit, but the rest of life takes over.

I guess I have to realize that there are many things that I want to get done right now, but just can't. I can't have a clean floor for 5 minutes because I have a kid who crushes up goldfish crackers and spits them through a straw on the floor, and 2 dogs who are loosing their hair. I can't eat a hot meal because I have to get milk for Logan and as soon as I sit down I have to get water for Austin...oh...then Everett wants to eat. I won't get a shower every day because I would rather TRY and cook that home-made bread that never turns out, or edit those 10 pictures. I won't get to finish that craft or do the laundry at night because I would rather watch a Numbers with the Husband and cuddle some before bed. So many boxes that I want to fill: decorated and matching house, fit body, disciplined children, happy hubby, FILLED SPIRIT, working budget, etc...HOWEVER: not all have to be filled at this point in life. My bad diet will just stay bad, and I will have to learn to live life every day. Take the next step and make the best and right choice.

Guess my next best and right choice would be to go and apologize to the hubs for being crabby tonight. Thanks for letting me vent blogworld.