Motherhood Conviction

The other day I woke up quite crabby. I had a sour look on my face, and mean touch. My patience was long gone and I just wanted to sit until I felt better. Pretty selfish huh? I love my Pandora radio that we play on our PS3...I knew that listening to some music praising the Lord would probably help get me out of this funk. So as the morning was going on, a much over played song came on...BUT it was exactly what I needed to hear and boy did it stab me deep!

(chorus)

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

Ouch right? Not sure if you do this, but I often think about how my kids will remember their childhood. Will they remember the slow and easy mornings, the family dinners, the clean bedroom (or messy these days), the van rides, bath nights, etc. What will they remember about all this? I think as a woman I really associate moods with memories...so for me when I remember my childhood I have a lot of peace and contented memories. The family dinner memories are full of family time, love and routine. Playing outside are feelings of being carefree and trusted.

When I was convicted yesterday morning, I thought to myself...are my boys remembering a mom who loves and shows grace? Or a mom who stays mad and yells? The song and my conviction are not a selfish conviction...I am not trying to be remembered for my sake, but for the Lords sake. The kind of legacy that Jesus left is the kind of legacy that I want to leave (hence the name of the blog:-) Our intern pastor said something quite emotional and profound this past Sunday. Now...it won't really be like this and we won't be thinking about this when we get to Heaven, but this is a good earthly way to think of life now with the eternal perspective.

~When my boys (yes all 4) stand before God, will they be better off because of me? Will they have made better choices in life because of what I taught them and how I loved them?~

Anyways...lots of heaviness, but I am very thankful for that conviction because I needed it yesterday and all the days I have the moments that I just want to scream, but really I need to love more. Oofta...mothering is hard but soooo worth it.

Here is the video of the song if you are interested. Like I said it is a well known song so maybe just listen for some "conviction or motivation!"