New Name, New Journey!

I have decided to give my blog a new name...even though the wonderful and cute design is gone...bummer... I still want and try to "Live for His Legacy" in every day life. Jesus is the one I look towards when going through day to day situations, and I hope to follow in his footprints as best I can. Even if He has to help carry me through, I strive to live for Jesus.

The new name, "Every Day Stories" will still include posts about what God is doing for the family and myself.  I just feel like documenting my every day-life stories. As the months and years have gone on, I have some pretty interesting, humerous, and sad stories that I want to share. They aren't extriodanary, crazy, or powerful...they are just plain life experiences from my lifetime! "Every Day Stories" will hopefully give some people more insight into what goes on in my head. I have so many commonalities with you friends and family, but there are some things in my life that are different than you and those truly direct certain decisions and emotions of mine. Please stay tuned for new posts about being a wife of 9 years to a man who risks his life as a calling from God; about starting the journey into "middle age" years (yikes!!!...30!!!); about raising three boys and being resonsible for 3 families some day; and about my constant struggle to draw near yet overwhelming love for the Lord.

Hanging up the towel...or should I say keyboard?

Lots of different thoughts have been going on in my head lately and one of them is stopping the good old blog.  A week ago yesterday I went into the ER with pneumonia. One of the craziest, painful, body aching sickensses that I have ever experienced. I was laid up all day Sat and Sunday. That was very hard for me and I really missed my family (they all stayed away). Lots of things happened because of this. I almost had to stop nursing. I had gotten some antibiotics that weren't compatible with it in the ER and at that moment I just wanted something in my body to make it start to heal. After feeling somewhat better on Sunday and seeing that Everett was having a hard time with the cold turkey, no more nursing, I broke down crying and drove to my Dr's office on Sunday night to get some new meds. I guess that realization was that I have been very blessed to have nursed Everett and wanted to savor and enjoy the last month of my baby.
Second thing I realized was how powerful a gentle spirit was. Monday came around and Mike couldn't stay home to help out, so I sent him off with a smile that was only lip-deep. I wasn't sure how the day would go. My mind wanted to get the day started, but I was shocked at how weak my body was and I couldn't move very fast and my head was foggy. Because of this I knew that I would get nothing done that day besides feeding the kids and some dishes. Kinda wish that was all I had to do during these days...yea right:-) I was so amazed though at how much patience I had! The boys had their regular fighting and some how I was able to be so calm, gentle and patient; explaining the consequences biblically and encouraging them. I felt like the Holy Spirit was totally using me that day. *on a side note, I had to miss the second half of a very much needed and anticipated women's retreat on sat from the sickness...not very happy about that* As the week went on, I felt better and better each day. With me feeling better each day...my attitude got worse and I started to yell again at the boys. I often thought back to that Monday, remembering how well the boys responded to my gentle spirit and even how different Everett was. Just a more calm baby and boys who listened and obeyed better. That realization is that when I am distracted and/or not focusing on the priorities of the day...like having a gentle spirit...my whole family suffers.

Therefore, I am not sure I will be keeping up the blog. I know family would like pics and updates, so I may keep it just for that, but I appreciate those who read and follow these random posts. I have no need to boast or brag about my house, my boys, my marriage, or hobbies. I enjoy "writing" things down and sharing projects...but I know I need to be focused in this season of life. My husband, my boys, my job (household) and my faithful and loving God need my focus:-) Love you all

My heart in a song...

There's a little flame inside us all
Some shine bright
Some shine small
The rains will come
And the waters rise
But don't you ever lose your light

In this life you will know
Love and pain
Joy and sorrow
So when it hurts
When times get hard
Don't forget who's child you are

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm Gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine

May you live each day
With no regret
Make the most of every chance you get
Let your eyes get wide
When you look at the stars
With the same sense of wonder as a child's heart

With the ones you love
Treasure the time
And for those who are gone
Keep the memories alive

Hold on to your dreams
Don't ever let go
There's a fire inside you
Burning with hope

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine

There will be days when you wanna give up
When clouds settle in
But after the rain comes the sun
Don't you ever forget
Don't forget
Don't, don't forget

One day there will be no more pain
And we will finally see Jesus' face
So until then I'm gonna try
To brave the dark
And let my little light shine

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine
Oh, shine
Gonna let it shine
There's a little light inside us all



Wow...can I say that when I first heard this song, I about burst into tears with love and affection for my children? I could perhaps think about this song from God to me, but instead it just moved me in a way that expressed exactly how I feel about my boys. What a wonderful young children's song put in a way that is so powerful. Letting God's light shine...I pray and am excited for my boys for when the chance comes to let their lights shine. I am desperately trying to teach them the Gospel so that they will choose the Light. I want their lights to be strong and unable to be blown out. Dont' get me wrong, my light has wavered and flickered, but it is lite nontheless. There will be a time in their lives where they are tested, tempted and stumble, but just as this song portrays, God's light will always shine and as long as they walk in the light, there will be no darkness:-) 


I am going to try and print this out somehow so they can read it as they grow up and are reminded of their child like faith and how God's love penetrates them deeply. I love how God has given us songs to worship with and to feel his power and love from. Please listen to the song and be blessed!!!


Click on the link below for a great video


Addison Road- This Little Light Of Mine Music Video from fairtradeservices on GodTube.

Time to get all serious.

(what the Morris family came up with to teach our boys...I pray they become Godly men that fear the Lord)

What is it that motivates you? I know that it is mostly my sister, mom and girlfriends that read this blog. There probably aren't many people that I don't know that chew over these words...hopefully there is chewing. But seriously...what drives you? Is it that cute living room design? That awesome storage unit that would look perfect in your closet and would let you fill it with the finest things? Is it the tastiest casserole or best looking dessert? Is it the most well behaved child or best dressed baby?

Are we authentic anymore? Is there anything that is deep down true and genuine anymore? Is Pinterest the only thing that keeps us going?

What I am getting at is our lives...yes I am serious...our deepest desires, our needs, and what we have been called to by the Greatest, Most Holy, Gracious, and Loving God. Most of us are just mothers who are dying to identify by something other than our failing child. Get this...our kids are NOT going to be perfect! We CAN'T and shouldn't be defined by our children. Well then...how about our dearest husbands? Shouldn't we find security and worth in them...yes, of course the Lord gave us these wonderful men, yet our foundation and self love is founded in non other than our self sacrificing Jesus, who holds every tear in His hands.

Those incredible photos on FB, or on Pinterest...how much do we compare ourselves and COVET after those things? We have the worst lives; so others feel sorry, we have the best lives; so others are jealous...To be one of those people who is known for that success...whether it be that awesome photo we took, or that revolution we had, or the family that we created. We just want to be KNOWN. To be special for something. Guess what...

WE ARE

God says we are His. No one can snatch us from His hands. Therefore, lets run this race, go for that prize that ONLY matters to Him and NO ONE ELSE. He doesn't look at what we have worldy accomplished here on this planet. He looks at our scarred hearts. At our wounded, bleeding, and begging-for-love souls. He picks us up, holds us, and breathes that fulfilling life into us. No longer should we wake up trying to be someone that we aren't. No longer should we compare our children to those of our friends. My kids are different than yours. God has instructed me to disciple (notice I did not say discipline) my boys differently than your daughter, son, or both. God works all...yes ALL things for his good. Did you hear me? ALLLLLLLLL things for his good. Trust Him in this...and you will see His faithful hand reach out and save you.

Because we are adults and we shouln't be living on baby's milk. We should actually be feeding that to our kids (not literally). We should be teaching them the basics. Being the basic example for them so that they can see Christ in us. If you think about it...see what you do daily for your kids so that they see Jesus. Even a 1 year old can see Jesus! Don't EVER underestimate them...they are SO much smarter than we think. They sin from the womb...did you hear me? Yes they do! Those beautiful innocent looking children know how to sin! It is in their nature and God has give us this glorious responsibility to disciple them. To guide, teach and show how to be Jesus to them.

The next question is...how can we be Jesus to them if we don't know Him. Do we know that the same Spirit that knows God is in us? How wonderfully exhilarating is that???? The Holy Spirit that knows the mind of Christ, dwells in us. Oh how peacefull and exciting is that!!!! Let us turn to God and ask for knowledge and wisdom in raising these "little" people...who are actually brothers and sisters in Christ.

OOOOfta! What a rant right? I have personally experienced the depths of despair and also the heights of God's peace and love. I chose the latter and know what it takes. Relationships don't just happen...it takes lots and lots of devotion and wonderful work. Thank you my wonderful and loving Lord Jesus for being in my life and showing me what it means...what it means to live, to parent, to be a wife, and to follow you humbly.

PS....my goal in this post is to hopefully encourage you, to spur you on. Please, please share with me if this incorrect or if you don't care for it. I only want to please the Lord, but I also want to grasp the hearts of my dearest friends and family.

The common...GOALS FOR NEW YEAR!

I know that everyone has been posting about new goals this year, but I think it really helps to write them down. Especially to other people because it holds us more accountable. So please...if you see me slacking...yell at me!

Me Goals:

1-Get up early to work out and/or get time in the Word. My days are ALWAYS better if I do either of those in the morning. No matter how tired I am I know it will help me. Anyone have any good study plans? Any good ideas on what to do for quiet time? I have been reading a book about raising Godly boys, so that gives me motivation during the day. What about you?

2-Get my house in order. AAHHHH! I have had to let go of my house so much! I have a cleaning schedule (not crazyily particular) but just the clean the bathrooms this day, dust that day, etc. I need to stick with it! I am hoping with Everett turning one in two months (YES!! can you believe it?) that I won't be so tied down with nursing still and he will be much more invovled and distracted with his brothers.

3-Make prayer lists for each boy. (including the one taller than me:-) I started reading (never finish a book it seems) Power of a Praying Parent, and one thing she said was to make a list of things you wanted to pray for that child for that year. I think that is a swell idea. Yes, i just said swell. I have found that no matter how hard I try to teach certain characteristics and lessons to the boys, and be an example to them; the most powerful thing to do to help them is to pray for them.

4-The over rated....lose weight. Yes, the holidays put on some lbs for me. I am not happy with what is going with that. I know that I always lose weight faster after nursing a baby, so that is something I am looking forward to. I have started a p90x workout in the morning and soon will be trying Shakeology. If you are intersted in what that is please ask. I want to lose at least 15lbs. You may think that seems like a lot, but I really, really want to get back into the 120s...so that would actually be over 15 lbs. But since we are done having kids, I can work on it for a while and focus on my body for myself!

5-Save money and learn to budget better. We have the most incredible opportunity to pay of our debt recently, and even though it seems to be a vicious cycle with that (pay it off, get in it again, pay it off...) I am really REALLY going to stick with it this time. I am hoping to use my photography money as the extra stuff too.

6-LAST ONE:-) Photography! I have been so blessed to have had so many sessions this past fall, and learn so much about it, I hope I can bless more people this next year. And have fun while I do it! Definitely need to amp up my indoor studio, and prop collection; but I am excited!!

So yeah...there are MY goals for this year. I know I have goals for the little ones, like help Logan start to read, get Austin ready for preschool next year, and get Everett walking at some point! Mike is always a goal...he has a long year ahead with lots of training physically and mentally. We are so stoked, but unfortunately have the looming "might get kicked out" feeling that will be with us every day. After this year of training we will sigh a huge sigh of relief! Please be praying for him!

Comment with you blog and your goals...maybe I will get some more ideas!

4 Days...6th Disease...and 1 Day at a time

Why so many numbers you ask? And what do they all mean? Our lives here seem to be living by the numbers around us...4 Days until Christmas, Everett has 6th Disease (Roseola) and I am taking things 1 Day at a time now...

Poor little E has been through so much lately! He recently got his top two teeth only to have the ones right next to them about to break through. Four teeth at once is a doosey and sure explains why he hasn't been wanting ot nurse very often. (Back on track with that now). He recently had a strange high fever for about 3 nights/4days and caused a lot of concern. It got up towards 104 and even his soft spot was bulging out a bit. I took him to the ER, but with a lack of other symptoms (no cold like things, diarrhea or vomitting) they chalked it up to a virus and told me to watch him. Not the best answer from a Children's Hospital. The fever eventually went away around Monday morning and he has been recouperating since then. I had his 9 month well baby scheduled for today for about a month and it was quite convenient considering his recent health. It definitely turned out to be more than a routine visit! As soon as I took his clothes off, I noticed this crazy rash all over his body. Small red dots and blotchyness. The nurse noticed it too and seemed concerned or curious.

(such a swee pic of my man, can't see his rash here, but I am so in love with him! God gave me the perfect third child...He knew exactly what I needed)

I immediately thought back to what I first thought it was in the beginning of the fever (after doing research on the internet) and thought it was Roseola...and I was right! It is basically a benign childhood illness that doesn't have a treatment besides controlling the fever. The rash appears once the fever is gone and only lasts 1-3 days and isn't a bother to the baby. These pictures don't do justice as the lighting in my house isn't that great. But you can kinda see it.
None the less, he is a healthy happy baby! He wieghs 22 lbs and is 29 1/4 inches long. Meeting all the milestones and sure wooed the doc despite his crazy rash.

4 DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS!!! I think I am more excited than the boys. We have only a few gifts for them this year, but they are so perfect. What fun it is to be a parent and give joyfully to our children! This is an advent calendar I made last year. Each day they put up a new ornament and on the back as a verse to read from the bible about Jesus' birth. Logan and Austin both enjoy it very much.
Logan very much understands what is going on this year and it is great to be starting or continueing our traditions. It is definitely hard being away from family this year, but like I said, I am stoked for our family Christmas!!
Like my star wars snowflakes I cut out? go here: http://mattersofgrey.com/diy-star-wars-snowflakes/ to do it yourself!
Fits in real well huh?

1 Day at a time...so yeah...I am putting my foot down to forgetting and not having a schedule...I am not talking about narowing my day down to every 15 min, but knowing what needs to be cleaned when, what appointments are when, deadlines, birthdays, etc...So so so.....sick and tired of having "mommy brain!". I am doing my best to write things down and keep track of it all. Hard to start a new habit, but hopefully soon I will have it down.
Found this amazing cleaning chart template and it is helping immensly! Go here to download yours and create your needed chores!!

Anyways...not much else going on...one big thing...today Mike re-enlisted! Yup, we are in it for another 6 years, which inevitely will keep us in till the end. Right now we have 9.5 years in so in 6 we will have 15.5 and would be silly to get out. Please be praying for the long year ahead of us with Mike training and going through a rigorous program. We know God has his hand in our family and we are daily striving to glorify Him through all that He has given us!

Motherhood Conviction

The other day I woke up quite crabby. I had a sour look on my face, and mean touch. My patience was long gone and I just wanted to sit until I felt better. Pretty selfish huh? I love my Pandora radio that we play on our PS3...I knew that listening to some music praising the Lord would probably help get me out of this funk. So as the morning was going on, a much over played song came on...BUT it was exactly what I needed to hear and boy did it stab me deep!

(chorus)

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

Ouch right? Not sure if you do this, but I often think about how my kids will remember their childhood. Will they remember the slow and easy mornings, the family dinners, the clean bedroom (or messy these days), the van rides, bath nights, etc. What will they remember about all this? I think as a woman I really associate moods with memories...so for me when I remember my childhood I have a lot of peace and contented memories. The family dinner memories are full of family time, love and routine. Playing outside are feelings of being carefree and trusted.

When I was convicted yesterday morning, I thought to myself...are my boys remembering a mom who loves and shows grace? Or a mom who stays mad and yells? The song and my conviction are not a selfish conviction...I am not trying to be remembered for my sake, but for the Lords sake. The kind of legacy that Jesus left is the kind of legacy that I want to leave (hence the name of the blog:-) Our intern pastor said something quite emotional and profound this past Sunday. Now...it won't really be like this and we won't be thinking about this when we get to Heaven, but this is a good earthly way to think of life now with the eternal perspective.

~When my boys (yes all 4) stand before God, will they be better off because of me? Will they have made better choices in life because of what I taught them and how I loved them?~

Anyways...lots of heaviness, but I am very thankful for that conviction because I needed it yesterday and all the days I have the moments that I just want to scream, but really I need to love more. Oofta...mothering is hard but soooo worth it.

Here is the video of the song if you are interested. Like I said it is a well known song so maybe just listen for some "conviction or motivation!"

Getting a grip

It has been a while...lets say over a year, since I have felt I have had a grip on things. My house, my mothering, my walk with the Lord, and being a wife. Not sure what it is today because usually the rainy days turns me sour the minute I wake up, but I am feeling on top today. Very happy about that.

Life in the Morris household continues with little boys growing up and babies getting bigger. Mike's job situation remains the same...unknown:-) I am hoping in the next month or two we will have a more clear plan. I have "started" my photography business and am very excited about it. My portfolio is fairly complete for now and am starting to charge people. Who knew that I would be doing this someday? I guess it is a good way to bring in a little extra money for the house and I get to be artistic. Something I miss terribly! Mike and I have been budgeting tightly lately, which has made us realize going home to MN really isn't in the picture for Christmas time. We are sad about that, but also excited because our boys are so much older that they will be totally into it. Very excited to explain the Christmas story again to Logan because I am sure he will understand it all the more this year. Oh man...the questions he asks...

"What is inside a tree?"

"What is inside teeth"

"Why do we want to go to heaven?

oh and then he says one night in his bed..."mom, I am afraid of the skeleton inside my body". HA!!

Austin has his own funny things....he points with all of his fingers, makes the funniest confused faces, is starting to potty train a lot more...been dry for about 3 days...except for about 2 accidents. And I love how he says Chick Fil A...."Chik-A-Fil-A"

Anyways, that is quite the tangent. Basically, we are chugging along...things coming up this month: Running a 10K, mike continues training, visit from Papa, more photography and school for the boys!

OH...I have a 6 MONTH OLD!! Here is the little guy in action learning to sit up. A few facts about the little guy:

He has brown eyes still...getting more and more brown every day. Mike is in denial. I think they are beautiful

He has almost mastered sitting up, but I still put pillows next to him so he doesn't bonk his head.

He had croup this past week...awful sounding, got some medication for it and learned he weighs a whopping 18 POUNDS! YIKES! His six month check up is this wednesday.

Still wakes up 2-3 times a night for a feeding and it is hit or miss if he wants to sleep past 5 or not.

Takes about 3 naps a day...two short and one long one.

Eats 3 meals a day usually...rice cereal for breakfast, a small fruit for lunch and a small veggie for dinner.

Has started this funny thing with his lips, he sucks in the top lip and then spits with his lips and toungue...tonight when he was done nursing before bed, he looks at me, sucks in his lip, then spits milk all over my face...couldn't help but laugh at him.

He is in 9 month size clothing, and almost 12 month size pants with his cloth diapers. Which, by the way, have become second nature to us...very glad for that.

Logan still LOVES to play with him, although he has become more rough with him lately. Just today Everett was on his belly and with his cloth diapers his bum is pretty padded. So we found Logan squatting and bouncing on Everett's bum. Seriously kid?

Everett must know he is our last because he is such a cuddle bug. After every time he nurses he just lays his head on my shoulder while I pat his back or rub it. It melts my heart every time! Just the other day he fell asleep on my shoulder! He can be so lovely and smiley at me...it just makes me so happy:-)

I will have his 6 month photos coming up soon!!

Beautiful boy...I know I am partial though

I tied some strings for Logan and he hung his super heros on it...so fun for a little boy with a growing imagination.

Woody hanging on for dear life!

Getting down and in Everett's face...but making him laugh!

Not Against the Flesh

I have been reading the book "The Power of a Praying Parent" and have only got in the first several chapters. I already feel like I have been missing out on a wonderful part of parenting...praying! Definitely recommend this book because there is so much going on in our children's lives that we can't control. Specifically this chapter struck me...especially since my kids are so young and tend to always do this: rebel. I was very curious as to what this chapter would say, and it was the ending few paragraphs that really got to me.

It says that our battle (when dealing with rebellious kids...which to me is not honoring the parents by argueing, fighting with siblings, throwing fits, etc) is NOT with our children. Huh? Say that again?

Our battle is not with our son or daughter. "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places" Ephesians 6:12. The sin that is in our children that causes them to disobey is from Satan and that is who our battle is with. To pray over our children that he doesn't get near them and they can resist him. Jesus has given us authority "over all the power of the enemy" Luke 10:19. How reassuring that is!! The greatest One is on our side, the One who conquers over all will help us and help our children.

So the next time my boys rebel and I start to get frustrated I will remember that my anger shouldn't be toward them, but toward the devil. I need to start praying for them when they have a hard rebellious heart and that they will see their ways and turn from them. Sounds so easy right? Sounds like our days of fighting kids should end...it won't and I will still struggle with it all...but I have a new encouragement now!

Now to leave you with a cute photos of Logan playing with Everett. Sometimes I can't believe how long Logan plays with him...what a wonderful big brother!

Having Abundance

I was driving home from NC yesterday and for some reason I just wanted to eat at every fast food restaurant, get any chocolate shake I wanted, and all the candy and coffee drinks I could find. Of course I didn't, but oh the temptation was there! I having this conversation in my head about how it can be so frustrating to have delicious food (not the fast food stuff...just food!) available BUT if I have too much of it, I will be fat! HA! Of course I am quite food conscious most of the time, since right now I am trying to loose the rest of the baby weight. Anyways, I was contemplating how we have to have self control in almost every situation! I mean...why are our bodies made this way that if we have too much food that we will become unhealthy? Now, I am talking about just eating and eating, even if you aren't hungry but just for the pure pleasure of taste. We have to eat in moderation! Then it dawned on me, and I am sure all of you smarty pants have already realized this, but we have to monitor ALL things in life!

Can you think of one thing in this WORLD that we can have an abundance of, and it NOT have a negative effect on us? Think about it...alcohol...too much and we will be drunk, throwing up, and over time diseased! Money...too much will cause negative effects...like greed, not being satisfied, and idolizing possessions. Even good things like too much husband, or too much of our kids...they will become our idols and all we live for! For me...too much crafting will take up all my time so there is none left for my family or...the most important person of all...GOD!!!

Then another realization...and the obvious thing: the ONE thing in this whole world/heavens that we can NEVER have too much of...is our great Lord Almighty. He gives in abundance: grace, mercy, love, forgiveness, etc and for some reason...we limit it! We say no thank you to Him...we do this when we don't seek after Him first in our problems, when we put other things (money, food, our desires, and even our families) before Him, and when we don't put our trust and faith in His will for our lives. We were created to worship something, to idolize something and with God's perfect plan, we should be worshiping Him in all that we do, putting all the things of this world that we want so much of; behind the Lord.

So that was my realization...quite simple, yet hopefully will help me when I desire too much of something in this crazy world.

In Response to "Sick and Tired"

Well, I am not alone! Not sure if that should make me feel better or not. I mean, why should women these days feel so alone, not special, and like they make no difference. When in reality, (speaking about moms here) we have the most important job! No matter if you work out of the home or not, motherhood is the MOST important and taxiing job. Why should we feel that we need to compete, or stand out to other people? I know I can answer that in a few short words, but before I do let me tell you how I was convicted and encouraged this week.

So after posting that last blogpost about not feeling unique and talking about how I could do things if I just had the money or time, I was slammed in the face yet again by God (of course in the most gentle way) Our sermon on Sunday talked about being bitter...how dare he!!! HA! Ironic isn't it? How we don't always understand, and WON'T understand God's plan and why our lives take the route they do. He also touched on idols. And no I am not talking about the shiny gold statue or the cliche money and possesions. I am talking about even the good things in life being idols. Like our husbands, work, and yes...our children. Anything that is put before the Lord in time, thoughts, energy and sacrifice is an idol. One statement that was said that truly struck me hard was "If your life doesn't have meaning with out that thing/person/hope, then it is an idol" BAAAM!

Ok, ok...there it was and there I was convicted. Don't get me wrong...when I have those feelings of inadequacy...it is OK, but when I let them rule my life and feel that I have no meaning without being this kind of person, or doing that kind of trade...then yes, I am putting it before God and idolizing it. Ooofta! Who wants to hear that?

So encouragement...right? Later this week I opened my Bible to read the next chapter or section of what I was currently going through...and to my delight it is my favorite chapter in my favorite book of the Bible. Romans 8. I won't re-write the whole thing here, but I encourage you to look it up and read it today.

Conviction:

Romans 8:13 "For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will LIVE"

Encouragement:

Romans 8: 18 " For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are NOT worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us"

vs 26: "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."

vs 31 "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, then who can be against us?"

After reading your comments and talking to a few of you friends, I pray that we all have a new-found hope, importance, desire for the lives that we lead. That we use our talents for good in and outside of mothering, and that we leave a Legacy following the Lords.

( PS. stay tuned for Everett's 3 month photos! We had fun!)

Sick and Tired...

...of this stupid feeling that I have! I am so tired of feeling inadequate and like just another grain of sand in the sandbox. It cycles around...and maybe it has to do with the hormones of a woman, but I want it to stop! I do so well, and feel like I am someone...worth something special. Then I see things that I desire to do or be and I am jealous or realize that I am just not that good. (this is very hard to me admit because it is so sinful and shameful). I think...if I only had the time or money I could do that. Of course I wouldn't trade my kids for anything else, but if I had the time/money WITH them...HA! Then I think about how those are not the things that should define me, but my relationship with God is what I should be desiring. I should be known for how I love the Lord, and teach my children about God, and how joyful I can be deep inside. So from that I start to feel guilty! AAHHH! Such a stupid cycle.

Is it wrong to want to be unique and exceptional at something? I know that sometimes for me it becomes an idol, and that desire to be "good" at something drives my mood, how I treat others, and where I spend my time. I know that isn't good, but why is it so hard to look past that? Why are there people out there who seem to have it so put together, love the Lord, shine their lights so well, and are so joyful with all that they have and all that they are. I don't know, I am just venting right now.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. ¹⁷For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, ¹⁸ as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

In the midst of these feelings I am finding those sweet moments that bring such emotional love and joy towards my children and family. I know how blessed I am and how much God loves me. I just wish, and now pray daily that serving Him is my purpose daily. I am tired of comparing myself to others (does that ever stop as we get older?). I am tired of not seeing the strengths that I do have (there has got to be a few). I am tired of focusing on the wrong things in life (instead of being concerned with others that I may not know in a few years, focus on how I can raise my boys to love the Lord, to be a serving wife, and to desire only God's love and companionship). Again, I am not writing this to seek approval from you all...you all give me so much love. I am just venting because I feel like when I write all this out, I see the selfish, shameful ways of thinking and it truly helps me to divert my focus.

Here's a question...what do you do to feel unique but not focus so much on it that it overtakes your life? What can I do to keep my focus on my family and walk with the Lord?

(photos courtesy of my enchanted garden:-)

Whats been on my mind...

Hey ya'll...I feel the need to apologize to my family a friends on this blogworld. I haven't been keeping up photos, stories, etc AND I haven't been keep up with my friends over the internet! I feel so out of the loop, yet I feel so busy....what do I do every day? I shouldn't be sitting down to writing this right now, I should probably be wiping a table, reading the Bible, or sitting with my kids...but I need some grown up time (and a time to vent in tangents).

I am dying for the day in the next year where we actually have a plan as to where we will be in the future. There is so much uncertainty and anxiousness over it all. I just want my hubby to happy and have a small amount of job satisfaction! I can't even begin to tell you how much of a difference that makes for my joy and happiness. We have plans for the house and for where Logan will go to school. We have friends that we have been very blessed with here, and there comes a point where I don't let myself get any closer with them because I know our lives will probably have us move again soon. Oh just for something to be consistent!

My days don't consist of much...basically washing the same dishes, wiping the same bums, kissing the same faces, and trying to do something extra like clean a toilet. I never thought in a million years that my house would look the way it does, or that I literally wouldn't have time for things that took 5 minutes before. I know this is a season in my life and I need to not worry about the house, the extra projects, and much more...and I feel that I am doing a fairly good job at letting it go. To be honest from the bottom of my heart though, I feel that I am lacking joy in all of it. I get frustrated with the kind of mom that I am and more so the kind of mom that I am not. I feel like another white shell on the beach...not unique with no purpose. Going back to work wouldn't fulfill me because then my heart would be devastated with leaving my three boys. I can't neglect my house any more than I do, and my dear husband has stepped up times 100 in helping out-so I can't ask any more from him! I know that this joy and this passion for being a mom, wife, friend comes from the Lord...but that is another side that I am trying reconnect and draw near to right now.

I think I have to admit that I am a bit frustrated with what God is doing with our lives right now. I don't understand it all...I don't understand the job situation, my lack of patience (yes that is my choice and not His doing), why we have three boys-so incredibly grateful for each of my sweet men, why we have our money issues, and why I just can't seem to feel on top again. Sorry for the downer post, I am not feeling sorry for myself because I know how incredibly blessed we are and how much more we have than most people in the world. I just needed to vent and to write out feelings. I think of posts to write about often, but then I forget or I realize that no one wants to know about that.

Anyways, on a lighter note, we had an icredible 4 day weekend, lots of family time spent together which was so nice. I get to go to MN this weekend just me and Everett for my sisters baby shower and a girlfriends wedding (so awesome!). I hope that all you had a great weekend and are ready for summer...its coming quickly!!

Afraid to Pray...

This is very hard for me to admit, but yes, I have been afraid to pray lately. I know God's strength is mighty, His will is overpowering, yet his hands so loving, never going to forsake me. Still, I am nervous to pray...

You see, Mike and I have some MAJOR major decisions to be made in the next several months. Mostly about his military career, moving, working, etc. I am going to be very vague about the details of our lives because one: I need to bring it to God and not only seek advice from those around me, and two: it is SUCH a long story with so many possible endings. I am a very practical girl who is forced to live a flexible and constantly changing life. I like to have some control just to be able to at least feel the ground beneath my feet, but lately these days, God is carrying me. I am, and I HAVE to give it all to the Lord because Mike and my desire is to live a life for His glory only. Therefore, I can't have any control over this!

Kinda makes me think about this little one inside me...I hope and dream of what a family with 3 boys would be like, and I hope and dream of what a family with a little princess would be like...however I do not have control over it! I never did! And if we found out at 20 wks compared to waiting till the baby is born what the gender was...it still wouldn't change. God has things planned way in advance. Sure some of you would say...but then you could plan and prepare...just as I would say to Mike about our future decisions. But wouldn't that be trying to have control? Wouldn't that be making and preparing my own plans, rather than relying on the Lord for my next step? I pray that I am not overlooking our responsibilities as parents and adults by not preparing to a "T", but that God will see us trusting in Him to plan our course...

...guess I should get praying huh?

In other news: we now own some very cool bunkbeds! Yes, it has taken the 2.5 weeks of having them for me to get used the idea of little Austin climbing the ladder and the awful thoughts that weigh down my mind of "what ifs". Actually I am still NOT used to that idea...but the boys have been respecting the furniture very well and we have had very little injury.

This is also Austin's first big boy bed. Went straight from a crib to the bottom bunk and after a few...actually a week or more of rough nights of him getting out of bed, he now understands what to do! Such a difference from Logan. When Logan went into a toddler bed, he NEVER got out of bed unless we went in there to get him out...in the mornings he would still yell for us from his bed until we went and got him! HA!

It is fun I tell ya, to have boys. To see their imaginations and hear these two little guys become best friends.

Our Family is whole again!

What blur these past few days have been! Still so surreal to have Mike home and also surreal to think that he wasn't here for the past 6 months. We are adjusting slowly but surely, soaking up every moment we can. Mike goes back to work tomorrow and we will hopefully establish a routine.

My girlfriend was able to come to the airport when Mike got back and used her amazing skills as a photographer to capture our wonderful and special moments. I have been putting together a slide show of some memories from the past 6 months and the homecoming. Please enjoy the the movie!

Yes...he is home:-)

Yes he is Home

Yes I cried

Yes we are complete again

Yes I made a dinner that everyone ate because he was home

Yes I have made out several times

Yes the boys have wrestled themselves tired

Yes I never want to let him go again...

Yes I have some AMAZING pictures to show you...we are quite busy and distracted, so I am going to get a slide show up soon! Stay tuned! Thanks again you wonderful people for all your love and support!

The Embrace

Musical Monday

I am sure you are wondering how many more of these Musical Monday's there will be, and I can assure you there are less than a handful...really less than a handful:-) As the deployment is winding down we look back on what God has taught us through this time. The ups and downs, the joys and hurts, the dry spells and consuming fires. I feel very blessed to have a husband, so strong and so amazing, and sooo in love with God. He holds me accountable and I try and do the same for him. So here is my prayer

Lord Jesus, I thank you for the past 6 months, for keeping us all safe and alive. I pray that we are able to see your will done and your work done throughout the days that have passed. That as the decisions made, done and gone, that they were of you and bring you Glory. Jesus, be with our family as we get ready to reunite and come together again. That the transition is easy and fun. Thank you again Mighty God, for all the blessings you have given us, in your Son's Name.

The song is From the Inside Out